As my first post I feel the need to give you all a history of my experience as a step. I will save that for another day, because today…well my friends, today was the day that made me want to blog about my life as StepMom (I will not use that term to describe myself often…).And so I begin my stories with the events of this December day:
I fell apart a little today, as I do each time Gale takes the reigns and sets out to destroy yet another nice thing. It is Christmas. And although we have not shared one actual Christmas morning with the children in the seven years I have known my fiance, we don’t complain too much. We are just happy to see them, spend some time together, have some fun… even if the joint custody agreement does establish equal time and holidays for both parties. We just let it go, for the benefit of the children… And the sanity of our selves. In the end fighting over time leaves you with less time to spend together. And less happiness. So we choose to not fight.
But just as we have made our choices, so has Gale, Tom’s ex-wife and mother of Jason(10) and Emma(9). I only wish her choices were more compassionate. But like my uncle, brother, dad (and any other male in my family) will so crudely remind me from time to time: Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one gets filled first.
Gale’s decision for this Christmas resulted in two things: 1. One less day spent with the children and 2. Ruining Christmas for everyone in the Sentry family. Awesome. The first decision came as no surprise as we have dealt with similar antics in the past. Jason had a last-minute doctor’s appointment and she just had to take him in on Monday “It is the only available slot I can get for weeks, Tom. Jason needs his blood work done so you will have to pick him up Monday afternoon instead of Sunday morning.” It is amazing that this doctor seems to have available appointment times only on the days we are scheduled to pick up the children. Hmmmmm… how a b s o l u t e l y astounding! But, true to our rules of not fighting over time, Tom waits the extra day and takes the 5 hour drive to pick them up the next morning.
The second decision was by far the most upsetting. When the children got into the car and started talking about their Christmas and sharing stories with their dad, Tom asked if they knew what they were getting from us. He told me later he had a sinking feeling that moment, he had told Gale the gifts we had bought this Christmas for Jason and Emma so that we would not be purchasing duplicate gifts. Emma piped up: “Ya! I’m getting an iPod Nano, and Jason is getting a Nook!” Ughhhhh. The look on Tom’s face made Emma feel as though she had just did something wrong. When asked how she was told Emma sheepishly replied: “Mom told us before we left: ‘Don’t be upset if you (Emma) don’t get a Nano and you (Jason) don’t get a Nook from your dad this year.” That was enough for a nine-year old to figure out the rest. And ruin the joy of true surprise. Not to mention, what a sneaky way to put it out there. Bah humbug you nasty………..
I was furious at first when I found out. I wanted to call Gale out, she needed to be put in her place. Enough is enough. Not only did she ruin the fun for us, (I live for that look of joy that takes over the face of a child in times of surprise), but she ruined a moment in her own children’s life. All because she can not stand Tom and myself. Which is fine with me, but lady… be an adult. Grow up and see you are using your children as pawns in some weird game that no one wins. Oh, I had words for her alright. Not very nice ones, but words none the less. And I wanted to scream them at her at point-blank range and hope she would explode from the undeniable truth these words contained. My mind was ripe with what needed to be said to this woman. I plotted my revenge until the car pulled up in the driveway. And then I saw Emma.
Her eyes big and getting red, she looked sad… shrinking like a violet. I asked her what was wrong.
“I am afraid my mom will get mad at me.”
“Why would she be mad at you?”
“Because I told Dad she told me about the gifts.”
“Oh. Well, it’s not your fault. You know that right?”
“Ya….. “
“We won’t mention it to your mom. You shouldn’t get in trouble for telling the truth.”
“Okay.”
And that was the end of that. I can’t imagine a child being afraid to tell the truth, but Emma clearly was upset over this issue. And for that reason alone I will respect my word. As much as I want to give Gale a piece of my mind, it is not worth risking the trust Emma and I are trying to build together. And it seems as though that little girl needs someone she can trust. So Gale won’t hear from us about this issue…. but this was the final straw for me. If I can’t tell her about it, I can tell all of you. This blog has been a thought for years. Today made it a reality. Maybe I will thank her one day for it, but I won’t hold my breath.
